My daughter may be plotting our demise....or just need a nap

I think it is high time you meet my daughter Lavender.

Lavender is 4, but inside I'm pretty sure she has at least 3 other personalities... A teenage girl, a cranky hypochondriac 70 year old, and a psychotic baby... I say this with the utmost love and respect!

Lander is a bit of a brat... lots of door slamming and snarky comments. This is a typical day for Lander...

Daddy: please clean your room before dinner
Lander: No, I don't have to, turn me on a movie!
Daddy: ummm, no... clean your room!
Lander: I'm sick of cleaning up my room, I'm never doing it again! <door slams shut>

Mommy: Lavender, are you cleaning your room?
Lander: NO...
Mommy: you aren't getting any dessert if your room isn't clean
Lander: I hate my room...You wrecked my tire life!
Mommy: Clean your room Lavender
Lander:  ackkkkk, no love for Lander ever again!!! <she falls on the floor melodramatically>

Myrtle is lavenders hypochondriac old lady persona, She has many quirks like calling everyone "hunny" or "sweety" or "dear", and complaining of having every illness known to man...

Myrtle: I just can't get up anymore, my hips hurt.
Mommy: what do you even know about hips?
Myrtle: They hurt... and my back...also I'm coughing and sneezing and hiccing-upping!
Mommy: wow, you must need to go to bed so you can get better
Myrtle: woah, big fella... I think I just need a little rest!

I don't know if you are all familiar with the show "family guy". I really don't like it myself, but my husband and sister #3 love it. Occasionally I will walk in and see stewie doing something crazy, and I think to myself "man that is lavender..." I don't mean this to be as bad as it sounds, overall she is a great kid, she is just way too smart for her own good!
I imagine that many conversations with her where she just sits and pouts at me involve an internal monologue much like this...

Lanvender/stewie: go ahead and talk meddeling woman, you just wait, soon I will be tall enough to reach the car keys, and then I will have freedom...

Mommy: Lavender do you understand what I'm saying to you?

Lavender/stewie: oh, I understand all right... I understand that you are keeping me from everything fun in the world, and for that YOU MUST DIE!!!!!

Mommy: Lavender, I asked you a question...

Lavender/stewie: Go ahead and ask... I will never answer you, never!  soon you will pay for your insulence!!!!!!!!

I would like to tell you some more about Lavender's best friend Eddy Ted, but his adventures are a saga in of themselves... Stay tuned!