Wednesday, April 6, 2011

justin bieber, hannah montanna, disney princess, how to make your tummy flat and get big boobs

Actually, my post today has nothing to do with any of those things. My husband told me to work common search topics into my post so more people will check me out. Since I have an unhealthy desire to see what popularity feels like, I decided to try it...

Today I am really talking about something very sad in my life... sad = unfortunate, not depressing... I am very clumsy, and when I say that I am referring to the constant battle between me and inanimate objects.




I'm sure you get the Idea...As you can see, I'm pretty sure the sun is in on it as well...
This war has continued throuout my life, there was a 3 year stretch where I had a cast on halloween, and 4 straight years where I had a cast or brace through summer camp. When I was younger, sister #2 and I would come up with great stories about how I got my many injuries... as far as most people knew I was a car surfer, a cliff jumper, and an avid skiir. Obviously these things are not true (and I would most likely be dead if they were) but they served to mask the fact that I am just dumb, while also giving people the impression that I was much cooler than I was...

A notable injury that I'm sure sister #1 will never forget, happened when I was about 3...

*** I will give you some backstory first. sister #1 is 20 years older than me, and for some reason when I was little, I liked to call her mom. As you can imagine, my mother was less than thrilled with this arrangement, so as a comprimise, I called sister #1 grandma...

So I am 3, and me, and I got in a big fight with a door... the door won.

Now this was by no means an isolated incident, so sister #1 didn't see any reason not to bring me to the store with her... In the checkout lane the conversation went something like this...

Cashier lady: what a cute daughter you have, but how did she get that black eye?
Sister #1: oh, she's not my daughter...she ran into a door
Cashier lady: o...I see  <gives sister #1 a disgusted and mistrustfull look>
Little me: she's my grandma!
Cashier lady: ok....
<sister #1 rushes me out of the line, probably hoping to avoid social services being called>

Now if there was ever a doubt in anyones mind that I was a brat as a child, it is about to be resolved...
As we walked away from the counter, I stopped, and this is what I thought would be the best thing to say to sister #1 as the cashier lady stared at us...
Yes it is a miracle that sister #1 never killed me as a child!

*** I would like to say that my sence of humor has greatly improved since then, and sister #1 and I are now very close...and she only punches me occasionally (just kidding, to my knowledge she has never punched anyone :)

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